HtTYD -Dorky and the Dragon 06

Title: Here comes the…what?

Summary: A Tale as old as time, and true as it can be. Both a little scared, neither one prepared… You know where this is going. Beauty and the Beast with a twist. Toothless/Hiccup.

Warning: Eventual slash, mature themes, I guess.

Disclaimer: What part of FAN FICTION is hard to understand? I don't own Beauty and the Beast, and I don't own How to Train Your Dragon. They belong to whoever they do. I'm not here to make money; I'm just here to entertain.

"What do you mean 'You haven't asked yet.'?" Spitelout hissed at his son.

"Well, uh, see…" Snotlout tried to remember a time when he'd felt this nervous, but couldn't. He also couldn't remember seeing his dad this angry, but that was making him even more nervous, so he dropped that thought immediately.

"He wasn't home yesterday, so I thought I'd ask tomorrow." The boy looked around himself in near panic. "I didn't know the wedding, if there was going to be one, would be today!"

Spitelout had outdone himself, actually. Considering it was so close to winter, Snotlout didn't know where he'd gotten the flowers. All of his friends were there ('all of them' being Astrid, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, and Fishlegs), looking just as bewildered as he did. His father had rounded them all up before even calling him. There were a smattering of adults, mostly his friends' parents, and the usual crowd at any Burk wedding: the food people, the music people, and the village elder to join the lucky couple.

"You go in there and you propose. Now."

"But, Dad, I can't-" But Snotlout's father wasn't listening.

"When he accepts, you get him out here. I'll handle it from there. Now go." Spitelout pushed his son towards the Haddock house. Snotlout stumbled a bit, looking back at his father. Spitelout's face could have been made of stone. Snotlout looked at his friends. Their faces ranged from 'What are you doing?' to 'Dude, I can't believe you're doing this!'. He sighed and walked right up to the door. He knocked.

Inside the house, Hiccup lay sleeping, unaware anything that was happening outside his house. He jerked awake when he heard knocking downstairs.

"Odin's armpits," he groaned. He hurt in places he didn't know he had. He could feel the muscles on his legs aching, his neck felt weird from sleeping facedown while still breathing, his head hurt from drinking too much mead (he hadn't even touched the beer for fear of getting drunk), and someone was still knocking on his door.

He hissed as he pushed himself up, his clothes sticking to his skin uncomfortably.

"Ugh," He crawled backwards off his bed. "Bath first, then door."

So he took a second to douse himself with a bucketful of cold water ("Oh, Thor's hairy smelly-!") and pull on a night shirt (he fully expected to go back to sleep) and his boots before he went to the door.

"Good Morning, Snotlout." Hiccup yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "What's up?"

"Well," Snotlout shifted left and right, Not Looking at Hiccup. "There's this thing…and the thing about this…thing…is that this thing…well…"

"Spit it out, man." Hiccup was Not Amused. He wanted to go back to bed. He caught a glimpse of something behind his friend. He leaned a bit to the right to see better, and Snotlout leaned right with him. Hiccup raised an eyebrow at Snotlout, who gave him a nervous grin. Hiccup leaned to the left, and Snotlout followed. Back and forth they went.

(The twins watched from afar. Ruffnut whispered to her brother "What are they doing?" "I don't know, some kind of wedding dance?" Tuffnut replied.)  

"What's going on?" Hiccup was getting tired of the game. His body still hurt, he was still sleepy, and he still didn't know what on earth Snotlout came to say.

Hiccup pushed past Snotlout and caught sight of the wedding. Quite forgetting that he was wearing just his nightclothes, he walked towards the spectacle.

"There's a wedding today! Why didn't you tell me?" Hiccup liked weddings. There was food, music, and everyone was too busy to pay much attention to him. He turned back to Snotlout to call out. "Hey, who's getting-"

Spitelout came out of nowhere and put an arm around Hiccup's shoulders, steering him towards the ceremony.

"Uncle Spitelout!" Hiccup said, just a bit surprised. Snotlout's father wasn't exactly the touchy-feely type.

"Please, call me Dad!" He said. Before Hiccup could digest that ('…What?') he continued. "What a wonderful surprise, right?"

"Yes sir, people getting married is always wonderful, I guess." Hiccup was getting a little uncomfortable.

"Isn't it though? My son Snotlout's full of wonderful surprises!"

"Snotlout is getting married?" Hiccup was shocked. 'And he didn't even tell me! Some friend! I'll-'

"Yes! And there's not a girl in town who wouldn't love to be in your shoes right now-"

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), Snotlout caught up with them just that second, breaking them apart.

"Hiccup!" he said, trying to catch his breath. "I-"

"You jerk!" Hiccup punched him playfully on the shoulder. "You're getting married and you didn't even tell me?"

"Well, you see-"

"He still doesn't know?"

"Know what?"

"I'm sorry Dad, I couldn't-"

"I don't believe this…"

"What's going on?"

Snotlout was nervous and sweaty, his father looked like his head would explode, and Hiccup was starting to have this sick suspicion at the bottom of his stomach.

Hiccup looked at his friend. "What is going on, Snotlout?"

But it was Spitelout who answered him.

"This is the day your dreams come true, Hiccup!" He said.

"Dad!" Even Spitelout could tell he was embarrassing his son.

"Excuse me, sir, but what do you know about my dreams?" Hiccup was just a little defensive, and it was more of a statement than a question.

"Plenty!" Spitelout said. "Here, imagine this. A rustic hunting lodge, my son's latest kill roasting on the fire, and you, Hiccup, massaging his feet, while your, umm.." He paused, "Your little ones play on the floor with the dogs."

Hiccup's mouth had dropped open at this point; Snotlout's long before Hiccup's had. But Spitelout was just getting started. He could see it now…

"You'll have six or seven, of course."

"Dogs?" Hiccup wondered why he was dignifying this delusion by asking questions.

"Kids!" Spitelout answered. "Strapping young boys! Like me! I want a lot of grandkids I can-"

But Snotlout had had enough.

"I'll handle it from here, dad." He said, pushing his father back towards the others. On any other day he wouldn't have dared, and Spitelout wouldn't have allowed it, but he thought he'd said enough. He left them, cheerily waving goodbye, with a "Think about it!" to boot.  

There was an awkward silence. Then,

"All this time, I thought you were joking-"

"Hiccup-"

"And this-"

"Let me-"

"I cannot believe this-"

"If you'd just listen to me for a second-"

"What?" Hiccup stopped pacing and glared at him. Snotlout swallowed. "What could you possibly say to make this more embarrassing than it already is? Did you actually have anything to do with this?"

Snotlout was silent.

"Well?" Hiccup was getting impatient. All he'd wanted today was to sleep so he'd be ready to go to his father tomorrow, but instead…

"Well?"

"Well," Snotlout looked at his feet. "I knew about it a little."

Snotlout looked up and saw this expression on Hiccup's face that said his friend was going to kill him. He did the only thing he could think of.

"So…" he kneeled down and took hold of Hiccup's hand. "Will you marry me?"

And really, no one could blame Hiccup for what he did next. Hiccup pulled his hand away and punched Snotlout in face as hard as he could. They could here gasps coming from their friends who were still watching from their places near the food table. From the ground, Snotlout disbelievingly held a hand to his jaw (Which Hiccup noted with glee was swelling a just little bit but not as much as he would have liked). Hiccup glared at him some more. Then he ran.

Snotlout got up and tried to catch him, but Hiccup's evasion skills proved once again excellent, as he made it back to his house in time to shut the door. Snotlout stopped there for a bit, expecting it to be locked. But when he pushed, the door opened.

Hiccup waited for him on the other side.

"Do you even understand how much this demeans me?" Hiccup was livid.

"Demean?" Snotlout was a little offended. "I'm a great catch!"

Hiccup clawed at his own face. "This isn't about that! You dunderhead-!"

And Snotlout could tell his friend was being serious because Hiccup started doing this thing with his hands that Snotlout knew either meant "How could you?" or "Enormous Breasts."

"How could you do this to me? I thought you respected me, at least liked me enough not to go humiliate me like that in front of everyone!"

"Humiliate you? What about me? If anything, I'm more embarrassed by what just happened than you are!"

"Well, it's not like I started it!"

"You don't understand! My father-"

"Oh, yeah, right, like you're the only one with father issues."

Hiccup turned around because, suddenly, he couldn't even look at Snotlout right now.

"Just go, okay? And tell them to leave. I'll talk to when I get back from hunting dragons."

Then he started walking away. And Snotlout couldn't just leave it like that, could he? He grabbed Hiccup's arm.

"That's just it." Snotlout said. "I don't want you out there hunting dragons. I want you to stay here where I can keep an eye on you."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Snotlout heard himself and winced. That came out wrong…

And apparently, Hiccup thought so too.

"I don't know what," the smaller boy hissed. "What you think you're playing at, you- You-!"

"Look, I know it's not…ideal, but why not?" Snotlout coaxed.

Hiccup pulled his arm away (for the second time that day) and turned to walk away. But as he did, Hiccup tripped over his own feet, which never happened nowadays unless he was particularly upset or nervous (or felt any extreme emotion, actually). The larger boy held out a hand to help him up. Hiccup slapped it away. Snotlout held it out again, face determined. Hiccup slapped it away again, face more determined.

"Stop acting like a kid!"

"Well, stop acting like an idiot!"

And it only got worse from there. Eventually, it degenerated into a slapfight, which wasn't exactly what either boy wanted.

"Enough!" Hiccup finally said, when it was clear it was going nowhere. He stood up with as much dignity as he could muster (quite a feat, considering he was still in his nightclothes).

"Get out of my house!" Hiccup yelled, pointing to the door.

"Fine." Spat out Snotlout. He left, slamming the door behind him.

"Don't think this is over, you wimp!" he shouted over his shoulder as he marched away from the house and away from the ridiculous wedding his father had planned.

"Hey, Snotlout!!" Hiccup called out.

Snotlout turned just in time to have Hiccup's boot hit him in the face. It was the best shot Hiccup had thrown in his life so far.

"It's over because I say it's over, you loser!" Hiccup slammed the door shut, and Snotlout swore he could hear the locks clicking into place from where he stood.

When he turned back around, Astrid was there.

"Well that didn't go quite as planned, did it?" She said.

"I don't want to talk about it." Snotlout mumbled. He picked up the boot so he could return it later.


A/N: I can't even begin to say how much trouble it was to keep Hiccup in character. Somehow, as I was writing this, he was always slipping into this angsty over-emotional wreck who cried at the drop of the hat. He's not.

I mean, I'm pretty sure he can angst and be emotional and cry with the best of them (and have a suspicion that he'll be doing all three before this fic is done), but I didn't want that for this scene. I wanted it to be quick and funny for the most part, like the movie. It's based on Beauty and the Beast, remember? Although I have trouble remembering that myself sometimes.

So yeah, I can't believe it's taking this long to get to Toothless, but not to worry! He'll be here soon. I mean, how much longer can I draw this out?